There goes Momma, off to a job she doesn't like. Maybe if she knew how much there is to do here at home she wouldn't have to leave the house. 1

The first thing is first; we have to make sure the furniture gets scratched. You can pretend you are an ancient tribesman carving a totem pole. 2

Then it's time to play with bubbles. We imagine they're fairies, and that if we catch them they'll grant our wishes. That might just be fairy lore. 3

There's exercising to do. Our goal is to make Cat People's "50 Most Beautiful Kitties" list. God doesn't just hand out cat bodies like this. 4

We've come to enjoy a good cup of coffee in the mornings. We imagine we're entrepreneurs, running our own cute little coffee shop. 5

After coffee, it's time to really get ready for the day. The sink is just the right size to wash up, and the toothbrushes are right next to it. 6

Breakfast is usually the same crunchy triangles, but sometimes it's moist or there are tuna flakes, and it always comes with fresh ice water. 7

Momma has enough makeup that it's probably okay to try some on. It's a nice touch to match the color scheme of the apartment. 8

Then it's fun to try things on. Some accessories are stored away in boxes marked "Christmas", but we put them back when we're through. 9

Sometimes if you rummage through pockets in the laundry basket you can find weird scribbled notes, and pretend you're a private detective. 10

There are lots of things to read, and it would be a shame to not take advantage of that and better oneself. Plus, some of them are funny comics. 11

It's important to take an interest in Momma's hobbies, so we try whatever she leaves out. We haven't quite gotten the hang of knitting. 12

There are art supplies too. It's worth a shot that if we make a career in illustration, maybe we can get that giant cat tree we've always wanted. 13

We have lots of creative energy to express. And anyway, there isn't much difference between what humans and animals paint. 14

It's also important that we keep an eye on the neighborhood during the day. There is plenty to see if one has the patience to wait for it. 15

For instance, every day (except Sunday) a man comes and pushes envelopes through the door. We make sure they come to the right house. 16

Sometimes there are shopping bags that need to be sorted through. There aren't usually mice or toys inside, but the bags make good forts. 17

So do the shoeboxes that are often in them. You can pretend the boxes are skyboxes, and that you are high above the Swiss mountains. 18

In fact, there are other kinds of bags you can find, depending on what the calendar says. Sometimes the bags have presents in them. 19

It doesn't even matter what's inside… the presents are fun to unwrap. You can pretend they are bombs that you have to dismantle. 20

Which leads us to the topic of string. String can be like you're an electrician and have to rewire very sophisticated pieces of machinery. 21

Some of these premises would make excellent movies, so we dabble in film as well, because acting is fun, but we really want to direct. 22

We don't have any assistants yet to help with our projects, so we're careful to put back everything we use, even the hard-to-reach things. 23

This includes when we have to make our own meals or cater events. We dream of being world- renown chefs, with our own line of cookware. 24

Of course, most of the food preparation is for our own enjoyment. Using the good dishes adds a calming sophistication necessary to cats. 25

After dinner is recreation time. If the animal channel is showing something about dogs, the cartoon channel might have something good. 26

The telephone rings all day long. Sometimes no one is there, and sometimes there's a recording. Sometimes we make calls to cats in France. 27

We've developed email relationships with cats from many exotic sounding places, but they probably aren't as computer savvy as we are. 28

Nor do they probably have the musical ambition. We understand that "Pet Rock" used to be a big craze, and we intend to bring it back. 29

There's a litter box you can play in to relieve stress. You can pretend you're a fierce pirate, burying gold from your latest conquest. 30

The bathroom also has home spa equipment, just the right size for cats. Even if you don't like water, the massagers feel like heaven. 31

After you've indulged, it's good to wind down with a few games. The mind is very alert in the evening, so we like to play word games. 32

Cats tend to use up vowels faster than people, so we follow up with a rousing game of Chess. We always know who's light and who's dark. 33

Momma has a whole cabinet full of board games, so we play the old classics too. Some of them make special cat editions we keep waiting for. 34

Some of the games are long, so we don't always finish before it's time to nap. The naps are important to get energy back up for the night. 35

After that, a light snack is in order… nothing fancy, just a simple can of something flavorful. Momma might share something a little later. 36

If there's extra time, we might play some cards. We need to practice in case we ever go to Vegas, or if we have to be on a celebrity game show. 37

In case we have to perform at clubs, we spend a little while practicing darts. You don't want to embarrass yourself where alcohol is served. 38

The rest is just a waiting game. All that's left is to make sure all the lights are on and the doors are open, because Momma's coming home. 39

We'll probably forget to tell her what we did all day, because a loving scratch on the head puts you in a world where nothing else matters. We love you, Momma!